


Javert vs. the Easter Bunny

by thepeopletoomustrise



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: les mis kink, les mis kink meme, shhh - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-17
Updated: 2013-03-17
Packaged: 2017-12-05 15:19:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/724763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepeopletoomustrise/pseuds/thepeopletoomustrise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Because no fluffy rabbit is going to mess with the law, yo."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Javert vs. the Easter Bunny

**Author's Note:**

> A totally cracky fill to "I honestly thought this was going to be a prompt about Javert having to arrest the easter bunny for breaking into people's houses." (LM Kink Meme pg. 32)
> 
> Guest starring Santa & the Tooth Fairy.
> 
> OHHH, AND ~modern AU & JVJ/J established relationship.

It was Easter. 

Javert crouched in the bushes, holding his binoculars in a firm grip. It was before dawn, and he had stationed himself outside of his house in unrelenting determination.

He was going to do it. 

He was going to catch the damn villainous rabbit if it was the death of him. 

Said rabbit, otherwise known as the ‘Easter Bunny,’ had been harassing the poor citizens of Paris for years. Children would wake up with baskets full of tricolored eggs that had somehow, magically appeared in their foyers or bedrooms, and parents would be left stumped as to how it got there in the first place. 

The so-called celebrated ‘Easter Bunny’ could not fool Javert, though. He was a criminal; nothing more than a robber, a fluffy crook who took pleasure from breaking into people’s houses. And Javert was going to catch him. 

It was just before the sun began to rise when the fluffy contender had shown up on Javert’s back porch, carrying a green basket that sparkled with eggs and foil-wrapped candy. 

“Aha!” then came a victorious cry from the bushes as Javert sprang, long baton in hand. “ _Halt_ , citizen!” 

The rabbit froze and turned around to stare at the man, its small nose twitching. 

“Not one more hop out of you!” Javert hobbled towards his deck, shaking off leaves that had stuck to his pant legs. 

The bunny’s nose twitched again, and it started to flee, bounding down the back stairs of his deck, past the stumbling man in the blue uniform. “Hey! Stop, in the name of the Law!” he spun, running after the rabbit, waving his baton in the air fiercely. “You are a fugitive running! Fallen from grace!” he shrieked, and the bunny was faster than he would have guessed. He huffed breaths as he ran, and his lungs burned from exertion- but he would not lose this criminal yet. 

“You are under arrest for trespassing upon private property! _Yield, rabbit, yield!_ ” 

But the bunny hopped down the road, refusing to heed to Javert’s commands; who was just growing more irritated, not to mention increasingly out of breath. The animal had finally reached a small patch of woods outside Javert’s gated house, and its fluffy tail disappeared into a clump of bushes. 

His face fell when he realized he could never reach the rabbit whilst crawling through bushes, so he stopped. He would have to accept defeat for another year.

“I’m Javert! Do not forget my name!” He cried out into the bushes, out of breath. “Lord, let me find him, that I may see him…” he was doubled over in defeat at the mouth of the bush. “I will never rest until the day that no rabbit will ever threaten the peace and security of the residents of Paris.” 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“My heart is stone, and still it trembles,” he whispered to himself. 

Javert was under Cosette’s bed. 

In any other circumstance, this would be vaguely creepy, but today was an exception. The six year old had lost a tooth, and little did Valjean know that Javert was going to use this as an opportunity to catch a fearless thief whom had been ransacking the homes of people for teeth for years. 

He was finally going to catch her. 

Past midnight, he heard the rustling of curtains, and carefully scooted from his spot under the bed. He poked his head out from underneath the bed, clutching his baton to his chest. 

_There she was._

The Tooth Fairy was floating next to Cosette’s bed, humming a quiet tune quite flippantly. The glowing figure reached with a dainty hand to the girl’s pillow, after the tooth Cosette had placed underneath. 

“Aha!” Javert cried, and he sprang from his hidden position under the bed. “At last, we see each other plain!” 

The Tooth Fairy shrieked and dropped the tooth she held in her ghostly hand. She didn’t speak, just spun around; she flew her way to the window she had come in through in the first place. “Halt!” Javert ordered, following her with stomping feet. “Thief! I’ve hunted you across the years! Fairies like you can never change!” 

The fairy flew out the window, leaving Javert heaving for breath in Cosette’s room. He ducked his head out the window into the cool night air, watching the shining being flutter off into the distance. 

“Wherever you may hide away!” He cried, “I swear to you, I will be there!” He was shouting, and it was no surprise that he woke up both Cosette and Valjean, who was three rooms over.

“Javert, what are you doing?” Valjean was in the doorway. 

He turned to him, clearly fuming, “I was arresting the Tooth Fairy.” 

“You can’t do that!”

“Why on earth not?”

“Because she’s the Tooth Fairy, Javert.”

“The Law does not see reputations. She breaks the law on a nightly basis, regardless of who she is!” 

Valjean sighed, and he outstretched his hand to his partner, defeated, “Come now, Dear. Let’s go back to bed.”

“But… _the Law…_ ”

“I know, I know.” 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Santa Claus was a criminal; a dirty, underhanded criminal that Javert was surely going to catch, one way or another. 

In this case, he sat behind the Christmas tree that sparkled with lights, holding his baton, ready to pounce on the intruder. 

And when grunting sounds came from the chimney, Javert crept out, waiting, watching, until the fat man had crawled from a cloud of ash. 

“Santa!” Javert shrieked. The fat man with rosy cheeks frowned, staring at the policeman in confusion. He held out his baton, “I’ve hunted you across the years!” He opened his mouth to say something, but Javert wouldn’t have it. “My duty is to the law! Come with me, Santa! You are under arrest for breaking and entering!” 

And just like that, he marched over to the fat old man, who looked positively dumbfounded. Grabbing the chunky wrists, he fastened them into handcuffs, nearly glowing with pride. “I’ve got you now, you old con! You could not escape forever – _not from Javert!_ ” 

Valjean had heard the commotion and walked sleepily out from his bedroom, rubbing his eyes to be sure that the scene he was seeing was not an illusion. “Javert? What on earth are you doing?” 

“What does it look like?” The inspector turned to his partner. “Why, I’ve arrested Santa!” 

Valjean frowned, “You can’t arrest Santa, Javert. He’s a childhood hero.” 

“Nonsense. This man is a criminal—a cold-hearted criminal. Men like him can never change!” 

“He’s bringing presents!” Valjean’s voice was incredulous. 

“He’s _trespassing!_ ”

Valjean sighed; he should have expected this by now. He walked over to the two men, and reached out to take Santa’s hands away from Javert’s grip. “It’s time to let go now.” 

Javert was quiet as he watched as Valjean unfastened the handcuffs carefully. He was murmuring things about the Law when Santa sprinted out the front door. 

“…The law is not mocked…”

“Shhh, I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, I really don't know where I was going with this at all. Don't hate me.


End file.
